Short and Random
by Yuri-san
Summary: The title says it all. This is a result of my boredom in Spanish and a lame attepmt at humor.First victim is Harry, then Ron, then Sirius, Remus, Sirius, and it goes on CHAPTER 19? UP! R
1. Sharp and Fluffy

A.N. Umm... the title pretty much covers it. It's short and random and generally results from my boredom in second year Spanish. Yeah... it's gouing to be as long as I want it to be, and I'm a slow typer, so if you like this it'd be a good idea to put me on AA (author's alert). Just a suggestion. Here we go.

Legal Disclaimer: Don't own HP.

Ryo-sama: Don't kill me for not telling you about this one. I love you, be in my wedding!

Chapter 1- Sharp and Fluffy

It was early in the morning - very early in the morning in fact. Too early for anyone to be up, early. So, of course, someone was up, and he/she was making an awful lot of noise.

Harry disreguarded the noise and rolled over. Right onto something soft--- and very sharp. He screamed.

His roommates shot out of bed and turned on the lights. "What is it mate?" Ron asked anxiously. Then he began laughing hysterically.

"It's not FUNNY!" Harry shouted.

Dean leaned over and poked Harry's feathered problem, causing it to squak indignantly. "Yes," he said betweeen girlish giggles, "it is."

"Whatever." Harry growled. "Just make it let go of my finger."

"Alright, alright," Seamus grumbled sleepily. In one quick movement he hit the offensive turkey with a pillow. It released Harry's finger, flew over to Neville, and grabbed a beakful of his hair.

"Mean little bird, isn't it?" Dean commented dryly.

"Yeah," Harry agreed as he nursed his sore finger. "He reminds me of someone..."

"Oh! I know!" Ron shouted. "We'll call him 'Malfoy' and cook him for Christmas!"

A chorus of "Yeah!"s went around until..

"Awww man... We have to keep him 'til CHRISTMAS?"

A.N. Gotta go. Spanish calls. R&R!


	2. Magical Spider

Legal disclaimer: I don't own HP, I don't own HP, I don't- you get the idea.

* * *

"Hermione?" 

"I'm busy!"

"Hermione?"

"Busy!"

"Herm.." Ron's voice was getting desperate and whiny.

Hermione slammed her book down and glared at Ron. "What is so DAMN important that you can't wait until I've done my HOMEWORK?"

Ron blinked twice then answered meekly, "Nothing.."

"Good," Hermione said and she picked up her book and resumed working on her homework .

"'Mione?" Ron whimpered.

"What!"

"It's reeeally scary..."

"What is?" she inquired impatiently.

"The-the-the spider!" Ron cried.

"Oh for CRYING OUT LOUD!" Hermione screamed. Once again she slammed down her book impatiently. "Where is it?" she demanded.

"Th-there." Ron whimpered as he pointed.

Hermione looked where Ron was pointing. There was indeed a spider there. "Ron, it's just a daddy long-leg. It won't hurt you."

"What if it's a _magical_ daddy long-leg?"

Hermione snatched up the intrusive spider by a leg and shoved it into Ron's face. "Does it LOOK magical to you?" Ron whimpered again, then fainted.Hermione looked at Ron, then at the (non-magical) spider again. "Hmm. Silence.. Guess it IS magical." she murmured.

* * *

Lol. I LIKE that chapter... 


	3. Trail and Err

A.N. This was NOT originally a chapter, so while this whole nonsensical fic doesn't "flow", this chapter "flows" the least. That makes no sense as well, judging by the looks on your faces that I can't even see. Right. I. am. um... wow, lost the thought as I was typing it. Hmmm....

I DID end up writing this last minute for a reason that is NOT no reason and that reason is that in chapter 4 (originally chapter 3) Remus CANNOT talk about Sirius in public like he knows him UNLESS Sirius is a.) dead OR b.) declared not guilty of all crimes to which he is charged. Which did I go with? Read it and find out. (This is NOT post-OOTP it is sorta post-nothing. Like, whether there are five books or seven or zero out, the content would remain the SAME)

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Chapter 3- Trail and Err 

The Ministry of Magic- Court Dungeon #2- 10:00 am

"Will the defendant please rise?"

Silence, then the question was repeated, less patiently this time. "Will the defendant _please _rise?"

"And just exactly," Dumbledore asked calmly, " who_ is _the defendant?"

"Both of them!" Fudge shouted.

"Ah," said Dumbledore, " I see." Then he elbowed the sleeping Sirius sharply.

Sirius shot to his feet and yelled, "I didn't do it!"

"Usually the charges come before the denial _Mr. _Black," Fudge sneered. " Someone wake Mr. Pettigrew."

Pettigrew was shaken awake by the nearest person. He began to cry. "The tomato made me do it." he sobbed. Sirius burst out laughing.

Fudge, who _obviously _didn't find this as hilarious as Sirius did, cleared his throat impatiently and loudly. "Ahem. Anyways, the charges are 7 counts of murder in the first degree, being a Death Eater, and you, "he glared at Sirius," are being charged with breaking out of Azkaban as well. How do you plea?"

"I don't plead," Sirius answered flatly. " 'S not dignified."

"It was me!" Peter cried. "I did it! I killed 'em. KILL ME!!"

Fudge looked around the room nervously, then cleared his throat again. " Ah, um, well... I guess that takes care of that then. Life in Azkaban!" He banged his little wooden hammer-thangy. "Dismissed."

"You're free," Dumbledore said to Sirius. "Are you going to celebrate?"

"Course." Sirius answered. "I'm gonna get drunk and love Reme."

Remus rolled his eyes, " I do believe he meant something that you don't _normally _do."

* * *

I crack me up. No, no not really.Lol. 

To Ryo-sama: Nuh-uh! You be da fuzzball!

WHY DOES THIS STORY LACK IN NON-EDITOR REVIEWS!?!!? wah....


	4. Woofie Poo

A.N. I'm bad and haven't updated in forever. I'm busy, so shoot me. This goes to Meilani-faerie, who lost her life to terminal cancer on Friday the seventh. We love you Mei-chan!! Please light a candle for her on Tuesday the 11th.

Legal Disclaimer: I don't own it . DUH.

Blooper Queen: Thanx for reviewing but from here on in there's slash (references).

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Chapter 4- Woofie-Poo

Remus Lupin sighed as he looked around the room at the anxious first years. Why he came back to teach Defense Against Dark Arts is a mystery to even him.

Remus cleared his throat loudly. The rude chattering continued. "Attention!" he yelled. No effect. "_SILENCIO_!!" he finally shouted. The chattering ceased immediately.

"Ahem. I am Professor Lupin," he said tapping the chalk board with his wand.

The class burst out laughing. Remus, thoroughly confused, looked at the board behind him. Where he had scrawled hi name earlier, it now said, in girly handwriting, "Woofie-Poo." Remus nearly passed out. This stunk of Sirius. But Siri was at home...

Slowly he turned to face the class again. "Is anyone in here related to Sirius Black?" he asked. One hand rose. "What is your name?"

"Becky," the girl answered proudly. "Bellatrix is my mummy."

"Well Miss Lestrange, I do not find this very funny."

"You can call me Becky," Becky replied, "since we _are_ family."

"No, we are not," Remus argued. '_Dear God I'm arguing with an 11-year-old._'

"Yes," Becky insisted, "we are. You're my mummy's cousin's wife." The class howled with laughter.

" NO. I. AM. NOT." said Remus, emphasizing every word. "In that sense, I am your mummy's cousin's _girlfriend _since we are not married. And _furthermore_, I am actually Siri's boyfriend as _I_ am the guy in the relationship." The class fell silent. Remus, realizing what he just said, ran out of the classroom at top speed.

* * *


	5. Trails of Children

A.N. Thanx to Blooper Queen for typing this for me! You're a life saver!! I LOVE YOUUU!!

The Trails of Children

Normally Remus wouldn't have minded having a little company on his grocery shopping trip, but the full moon was nearing, and his patience was wearing dangerously thin.

"Tomatoes... check." he murmured as he put his chosen fruits in a bag.

"Remus, can we get strawberries? Pleeeeeeaassee?"

"No. They're out of season and expensive."

"But I want some! OooOoo, CHOCOLATE!"

"Not chocolate. Not today."

Silence reigned for a few minutes, then -

"COOKIES!"

"No."

"Candy?"

"No."

"Starbucks???"

"For heaven's sake, NO!"

"C'mon, can we get a pizza at least? Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"Is it on sale?"

"Well, no..."

"Do we have a coupon for it?"

"Weelll... but..."

"Do we?"

".....nooo...."

"Then no."

"That's not FAIR!!!"

"Life's not fair."

"Oooohh... chips!"

Poor Remus's limited won patience finally snapped. "You know what?!?! If you cannot act your age, Sirius, you cannot come shopping with me anymore!"


	6. Transfiguration

A.N. Another one!! I'm onna roll. -squishes the roll- Opps. Guess I'm too heavy ne? I have four more chapters to upload also but... there's a connecting chapter that's missing. -beats herself for being scatterbrain- Damn. Oh, well. I'll do that on Monday. I don't do the weekend thang.

Chapter 6 (I think...) Transfiguration

Harry stared at his box of tissue hoping that it would magically (imagine that) turn itself into a butterfly without him having to actually DO anything.

To his right, Hermione was transfiguring her box, stunning the butterfly, turning it back into a box and repeating the cycle in rapid succession, changing the box into a different species of butterfly each time.

At his left, Ron.... wasn't doing as well. He had managed only to produce an paper origami butterfly that shudder slightly, but did nothing that even remotely resembled flying.

Harry raised his wand, finally deciding to attempt the spell, when Professor McGonagall called his name (probably to ask why he had made no progress), thus startling him and causing him to raise his wand as he tried the spell.

The unpleasant result was a monarch butterfly hovering where their Transfiguration teacher had been moments previously.

Opps and, um, double opps.

"Hermione?" Harry whispered.

Hermione looked up, having stunned her butterfly for the twelfth time. "What?" she asked.

"I..... I turned Professor McGonagall into a butterfly..."

"YOU WHAT?!?" Ron shouted from the other side of Harry. "Wicked!"

"Actually," Hermione told him. "This could be a bit of a predicament." She turned to Harry, and just shook her head when she could think of nothing to say. Finally," Well... at least you got the spell right."

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	7. The SpiderToothpick Mission

A.N. Ummmmmmmm nothing to say... wow.... P.S. Ryo-sama, if you're reading this now, the quotes have BEEN there....

Side Note: Check out my joint account with Blooper Queen, Remus x Gen.

* * *

Legal Stuff: See Chapter Uno.

Chapter 7: The Spider-Toothpick Mission

"Reemmmmmeee," Sirius whined. "Where are the toothpicks??"

"Toothpicks luv?" Remus looked up from the newspaper.

"Yes, toothpicks, Reme."

Remus thought for a moment, "Well, if we have any, they'd be over there," he answered pointing.

"Toothpicks....toothpicks.... no, you're not a toothpick," Sirius informed the paprika. He became frusterated and began tossing things behind him it they were not a toothpick. "Cinnamon," he murmured tossing the container of spice. "Basil... pepper... sugar...vanilla... seaweed...powderd lizard's blood... reaaalllly old banana.... spider... SPIDER?!?" Sirius screeched.

Remus sighed, set down the section of the newspaper he was reading and grabbed the Classifieds. "Where is it love? I'll get rid of it." Sirius pointed and Remus ushered the spider onto the newspaper. "There Siri. I'll put it outside."

"No!" Sirius insisted childishly. "Squish it!"

"Oh, alright," Remus said, squashing the 8 legged monstrousity. "Honestly Siri, you're starting to sound like Ron."

"They're scary," Sirius said in his own defense.

"Uh-huh." Remus had become absorbed in the paper again.

"I hereby vow to find a box of toothpicks and abolish the evil tyranny of spiders!" Sirius proudly announced.

"A noble mission," Remus commended. "What do you need tothpicks for anyways?"

"To kill the spiders with, of course," Sirius answered.

"Are you a wizard or aren't you?"

Sirius grinned sheepishly. "Opps."

-tbc-


	8. Jelly Beans Part 1 Warning

A.N. Hmmmm. I'm updating rather quickly aren't I? Odddd....

* * *

Jelly Beans Part 1 (of 3)- Warning

Remus sighed. Now devoid of Sirius trying to kill things, he could finally read the morning paper in peace. He picked it up, then-- what was that? He set the paper back down and trudged towards the front door to see what the racket was all about.

"Let me in Black," Severus Snape growled furiously. He had a bundle of scrolls in his arms.

"Not until you promise," Sirius said. He had a giant dill pickle in one hand.

"Promise what?!?"

"That you'll stay on our side when the evil mutated jelly beans attack."

"Siri," Remus managed to choke out. he was leaning against the umbrella stand for support and was dangerously close to laughing himself to death. "I can understand the pot on the head and the non-stick pan in your hand and even the pickle is explainable, but why do you have soap-on-a-rope as a tail??"

Sirius blinked in rapid succession at Remus. As he did so, Severus leaned forward to inspect his pickle.

"Black, what in Merlin's name is on this pickle?"

"Peanut butter, cinnamon and chopped pecans," Sirius answered promptly.

"Why love?" asked Remus.

"For when the jelly beans come."

-tbc-


	9. Jelly Beans Part 2 Trap

A.N. I do seem to have a thing with food and spiders, don't I? Truth be told, it's moths I can't stand. -shudders-

Jelly Beans Part 2 (of 3)- Trap

Remus was finally reading his newspaper in peace, havin let Severus in and separates Sirius form his "weapon" and "armor" (and the soap-on-a-rope) and removed him form the doorway. The peaceful silence was-truth be told-disturbing. Suspecting that Sirius was up to something,Remus set down the paper (yet again) and set of to find him.

A frusterated cry led him in the correct direction. In the doorway, tangled in a net and suspended form the ceiling, was Sirius.

Remus looked up at the raven-haired man. "Having fun love?"

"NO," Sirius pouted. "I'm stuck."

Remusd whipped out his wand and helped his lover down with magic. "And just what were you trying to accomplish?"

"I was setting a trap," Sirius answered. "To catch the jelly beans. You know, the evil mutated ones."

"Such a large net though."

"They're large jelly beans."

"Love, this could take all--" Remus stopped mid-sentence. "Have fun Siri. You show those jelly beans."

"I will Reme," Sirius assured him. "Are you sure Snivellus isn't on their side?"


	10. Jelly Beans Part 3 Attack

A.N. I'm on another roll! Whee!!!! This roll won't squash! -jumps up and down on roll- -roll stay intact- Hmmm... must be a cafeteria roll.... Anywho, in this chapter, Remus makes a reference to "the clones". He is referring to a chapter that I lost in which Sirius is attacked by clones of himself in a dream. Just so's ya know.

Jelly Beans Part 3 (of 3)- Attack

Sirius stood in the entrance to the dining room, handing out toothpicks (he found them in the blender that hadn't been used for years...) to everyone who entered.

Molly Weasley accepted her allotment, looked at the toothpicks, then up at Sirius. "What on earth?"

"For when the jelly beans attack," Sirius answered seriously. He lowered his voice. "I suspect they'll attack tonight."

Molly opened her mouth to say something, then saw Remus making a slashing motion form behind Sirius, so she just shook her head and went to sit down for dinner.

The meal went relatively quietly-- except for a heated yet short-lived fight between Severus and Sirius about toothpicks and Sirius's newly regained pickle. But during dessert (apple pie a la mode. yummy.) all went array.

There was a slight 'clink' sound. Charlie set down his fork. Another 'clink'.

"What was that?"

"Shh!" Sirius hissed. "It's them!! At arms men!!"

"Umm, Siri, what are you-"

"AIIEE!!" Sirius screeched. Everyone looked toward him. On his plate was a green softball sized jelly bean with eyes. "It's the Jelly Belly tribe!!"

Everything went black.

* * *

"Wake-up." Remus called. "Siri, wake-up. You're dreaming. It was a nightmare." 

"They got me." Sirius whimpered. "They got me..."

Remus looked utterly confused. "Erm..who....? The clones?"

"No," Sirius sobbed. "The jelly beans!"

Remus stared at him, then lay back down and rolled over.

"Reme?" Sirius whined. "Reme, what is it?"

"Now _I'm_ dreaming," he murmured.

"No you're not."

"Yes I am. That jelly bean thing was my dream. I think." Remus said. He sounded unsure now.

Sirius gasped, "They modified our memories!!! NOOOOO!"

-tbc-

* * *

Yay!! I've done 10 chapters!! It's a record!! Actually, I think it was a record at 4 or 5.... 


	11. Ambush

A.N: I am severly dishearted by the amount of reviews--or lack there of. Thank-you for those of you who bother. I'm hoping that if I update often enough, I'll remain close to the top of the list and frequent visitors to this site will get frusterated enough what with seeing it there ALL the time, that they'll read this. Odd, ain't I?

Chapter 11- Ambush

Fred looked from the bucket of water over to his twin, then back at the balloons. Suddenly he grinned. "You're evil, you know that?"

"Yeah, we might run out of water balloons though, you know."

"Oh I know. I have a plan, _believe me_."

* * *

"Why are we all doing yard work?" Ginny whined as she tied off a leaf-filled trash bag. She was wearing short jean shorts and a white camisole because it was _beyond _hot out. 

"Because we all live here, "Sirius said between clenched teeth. It was obvious that he wished at the moment that he _didn't_ live here.

Their "little" yard work party consisted of Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Fred, George, Sirius, Remus, Tonks, Charlie (home for two weeks), and poor (not) Severus Snape who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time and had been handed pruning shears by the housework Nazi, Molly Weasley.

"We'll be right back," said George as he and Fred took off their gloves (they had been weeding).

"We need to fill up our water bottles," Fred explained. "They're empty."

"Fill mine up too please," Remus said tossing his near empty water bottle at the twins.

* * *

"Jeronimo!" the twins shouted as they tossed water balloons out of one of 12 Grimmauld Place's second story windows. Fred's hit poor Ginny in the chest. She squealed, fumed (white shirt, remember?), snatched a tomato from the plant that Severus was pruning and, with amazing accuracy, lobbed it toward the window. It hit Fred in the forehead. George's first balloon hit their Potion's Professor in the back of the head. 

Chaos ensued. The twins jumped out he window, armed to the fullest. While the twins used water balloons, the others resorted to tomatoes, mud, and Sirius drug out the hose (then realized it wasn't attached to anything). When they ran out of balloons, everyone discovered Fred's back-up plan---

Condiments.


	12. DADA 1

A.N. Ummm yes... I haven't updated in a while... Eh-heh-heh-heh... anywhooooo...

* * *

Defense Against Dark Arts- Part 1 (of 3) 

Professor Remus John Lupin stared silently at his Gryffindor first year Defense Against Dark Arts class as they sat obliviously reading their text books. It was time.

Remus rapped his knuckles against his desk to draw the class's attention. It worked. Forty or so 11-year-olds suddenly looked up from their texts at their professor.

He cleared his throat nervously. "Class," he began," I have a bit of -umm- unfortunate news." By then, nearly all of the class looked utterly alarmed. Things must be bad if Prof. Lupin was using a 'non-word' such as 'ummm'.

"I, erm, don't know exactly how to say this," the smarter half of the class braced for impact. "As of tomorrow morning, I will no longer be your teacher."

"WHAT?" Becky Lestange yelled. "Why!"

Remus looked extremely uncomfortable and began to inspect his immaculately clean fingernails for some nonexistent dirt. "I-ahwelll-that is to say... I guess some of your parents were upset over the fact that I'm- I'm a werewolf."

"WHAT!" Becky screamed again. She definately had her mother's, um, dulcet, tones. The other students screamed their outrage at this blatant discrimination as well.

"That's ridiculous!" a red-head named Marcus yelled. "You're the best teacher we've EVER had!"

Remus looked shocked. "I-I never knew you felt that way. Is that how you _all_ feel?" They all nodded. "I'm sorry, but there is really nothing I can do. How can I make this easier for all of you?"

"Make us hate you," one girl volunteered. The other students murmured their agreement.

Remus grinned. _That_ he could do. "Fine. I want a four foot long essay on werewolves on my desk at 7 o'clock sharp tommorrow morning. Those who fail to turn it in _on time_ will recieve double detention with Professor Snape. Class dismissed."

-tbc-

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	13. DADA 2

A.N. To the disrespectful idiot who anonymously reviewed on 03-13-2005, I never said I was funny. Other people did, but I never once claimed that I had any talent for making anyone laugh. Why do you hate me so much anyway? If you are actually reading this, since you obviously DO NOT like my writing, it simply means that you are an obsessed freak that needs to get a life. I do not believe that I am overstepping my bounds in saying this and anyone who thinks so should e-mail me. Ditto that if you want to see the review; I had it removed.

* * *

Defense Against Dark Arts- Part 2 (of 3)

Gwenddolyn Elizabeth Moore sighed. Since Remus had been forced to resign (_again_), Headmaster Dumbledore had asked her to become the new Defense Against Dark Arts teacher. For some odd reason unknown to even her, she had agreed.

She looked out over the motley group that made up the first year Gryffindor class. "Hello," she said finally."My name is Professor Moore and I am Professor Lupin's fill-in."

"Are you a werewolf?" Becky asked promptly.

"Ummm, no," Gen answered.

"Are you going to give us a four-foot-long essay that will be due tomorrow?" Becky persisted.

Gen could tell that his was going to be her trouble child. Must be that kid of Bellatrix's that Remus had mentioned. "Do you want me to?" Gen asked in a falsely honey-sweet voice.

That shut Becky Lestrange up. Momentarily at least.

"Open your textbooks and turn to pa-"

"Did you know REmus?" Becky asked.

"Yes. Pa-"

"How?"

"We went to school together. Page 114 please."

"Ooooh," Becky said. "Did you date?"

"None of your business," Gen replied trough clenched teeth. "Darryl, please read aloud."

"Ooohhhh...so you did date!" Becky squealed.

"Ms. Lestrange?"

"Yes?"

"Shut-up. Darryl, please read." Darryl made i t past the first four words, then-

"Did you date Uncle Sirius?"

Gen snapped. That was it. "Shut UP!" she screamed, fangs bared.

"AHHHH! She's a VAMPIRE!"

Gen smacked her forehead. "Aww shit. There goes another job."

* * *

A.N. Just so's you know, Gen is not MY character, she is The Werewolf Mage's (previously Blooper Queen). If you want to learn more about this (unique) character, read her story, _Note Passing Can Be Fun_. End note. 


	14. DADA 3

A.N. Yeah... Gen's ... Gen. Let's just leave it at that.

* * *

Defense Against Dark Arts- Part 3 (of 3)

In a tight spot as far as Defense Against Dark Arts was concerned, Headmaster Dumbledore had hired Nymphadora Tonks. She was a bit clumsy, but she was smart and fully capable.

"I'm Professor Tonks," Tonks said cheerily.

"Cousin Tonks?"

"Becky?" Tonks looked startled.

"Yeah, can I go to the restroom?"

"Umm, sure, go ahead." Becky left.

"Are you a werewolf?" Amelia asked.

"No," Tonks answered brightly.

"A vampire?" asked Darryl.

"Not to my knowledge."

"Any magical creature that could kill, maim, or otherwise harm us?" asked Marcus.

Showtime. This could be fun. "Yep," Tonks answered.

"Huh? What are you?"

"Guess."

"Banshee?"

"Nope."

"Siren?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Death Eater?"

"Naw."

"Veela?"

Hmmm, maybe the blonde hair was a bad idea. "Uh-uh."

"Alien?"

"No."

"Boggart?"

"Umm... nope.."

There was a small amount of confering amongst the students, but no one offered up a guess.

"C'mon guys," Tonks urged. "You can get it."

"An enchanted mermaid?"

"Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-no."

"Faerie?"

"I _wish_."

"Harpy?"

"Ummm... it's good that you guys are being creative."

"Youkai?"

"Uh, no."

"Ghost?"

"100 percent alive."

The students were getting exasperated. "What ARE you?

"Oh, it's so simple. You should be able to get it."

"We've guessed EVERYTHING! What are you?"

Tonks grinned proudly. "I'm a wicht of course, and a Auror at that. Gotcha. You're stuck with me."

-tbc-

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	15. Little Lost Puppy

Chapter 13- Little Lost Puppy

Tonks did not look happy as she opened the door to 12 Grimmauld Place. Her shoulder length white-blonde hair was a mess and she was soaked through and through, for it was raining outside, and Tonks had no umbrella.

Sirius greeted her in the hallway. "Tonks, what's wrong? You look... upset."

Tonks wrinkled her nose at her uncle. "I found a little lost puppy of sorts on the way here. It followed me."

"Oh, really?" Remus asked as he walked up.

Tonks nodded, "Of sorts," she answered and she stepped out of the way to reveal her dripping wet blonde haired cousin, Draco Malfoy.

Sirius's look instamtly turned sour and Remus gently set his hands on Sirius's shoulder, assumedly to keep his from doing anything rash.

Draco passed out. No one could tell exactly why, but it was probably from the pneumonia. Tonks and Remus carried Draco upstairs to bed, then joined the others to "talk" about the "situation".

"Absolutely not," said Molly Weasley, banging her fist on the table for punctuation.

"I agree with Molly, for once," Sirius said.

"I'm going to go speak with Narcissa," Tonks announced. "She's a reasonable human being." Tonks Disapparated, then Apparated back a few minutes later, right next to Molly. She whispered something in her ear, whoi whispered it to Arthur, who told Remus, who whispered to Sirius, who looked utterly confused, but told Severus, who for some reason had taken up residence with them, who puzzledly asked, "Fried vegetables?"

"No," Tonks siad with an exasperated sigh. "Draco's staying for a while because Lucius beats me and I'm his cousin and Sirius is his uncle and he has nowhere else to go. Fried vegtables- my god."

-tbc-

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	16. Intermission: Vote!

Intermission- Vote!

A.N. I know I'm not supposed to do this, but it won't be up for long. Right, Houston, we have a problem. O.K. not _really_ but...I do need your help a bit...Here's the deal, I'm going to need your personal preference on some things. First, I want to introduce a new pairing. I'd add Sev/Reme, no problem, Siri and Reme are already together, so, yes problem So there goes that.

Here is a list of people living at 12 Grimmauld Place, if it helps any:

Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Severus Snape, Molly Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ronald Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Harrry Potter, Hermione Granger, Draco Malfoy, Nymphadora Tonks, and Gwenddolyn Moore.

So, you can chose from:

Draco/Harry (YAY)

Draco/Hermione (-cough cough- EWW)

Ginny/Hermione (YAY)

Charlie/Hermione (never tried it before...)

Harry/Ginny (eh. I want SLASH )

Or I could break up Siri and Reme (-sob-) and throw Severus and Tonks (or Gen) into the mix and make things... erm.._interesting_.

Or, of course, you can chose a different pair, I'm just trying to eh /_suggest_/ somethings.

So here's what I need you to do. Review (or e-mail me) and fill out he form and the bottom telling me your preferences. The final decision is, of course, mine, but your input is very much appreciated. Here's the form:

* * *

1. Should I break up Sirius and Remus (don't say yes just because you hate slash, I'll just add more)? 

2. Is pneumonia contagious?

3. Pairings you'd love to see? (Or wouldn't mind seeing?)

4. Pairings you'd murder me for if I put them in? (Or pairings you _dislike_?)

5. Generational cross parings? Yes or no? (i.e. Someone Harry's age and someone Sirius's age)

6.Tonks hair color? I wrote it in as temporarily white-blonde (Draco's hair color) but is that the way it should remain?

7. Are you fed up with the questions yet? (You don't _have_ to answer this one!)

* * *

THANK YOU! Your cooperation is vital and I appreciate it bunches! 


	17. Moving Fiasco

A.N. Yes... I know... I'm a bad girl... I haven't updated in a while... bad! Thanks to all those who voted! I love you!

* * *

Chapter 17 -Moving Fiasco 

12 Grimmauld Place was a disaster area. Literally. Now that all of the bedrooms were clean (it took _forever_, everyone was out of their old bedroom and in midst of choosing a new one. Moving in was the hard part.

"Why do I have a bloody FIREPLACE in the middle of my bedroom?" Harry yelled.

"Why's it bloody mate?" Ron asked. "You trip over it?"

"Yes," Harry muttered. "Sirius! Why can't we put it on the deck for now!"

Sirius poked his head out of his newfound room. "It might get wet."

"Give it a goddamn umbrella! It'll be fine!"

"Siri," Remus said tapping his lover on the shoulder. "Why do we have dinner plates in our room?"

Sirius stared at REmus blankly. "I can honestly say I have nooo clue."

"Hermione!" Ginny shrieked. "The steak knives are trying to eat me!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"So _that's_ where they went..." Mrs. Weasley murmured.

"Granger!" Draco called as he trudged down the hall. He shoved a wet furball in her face. "I found this under my couch."

Hermione took Crookshanks and asked bewilderedly, "Your couch?"

"Yes," Draco agreed. "Apparently my bed is having identity problems."

"Whose is this!" Severus growled in a demanding voice. He was holding up a black lacy bra.

"That would be mine," Gen snapped as she snatched the offending undergarment from Severus's hand.

"You have seaweed in you hair," Tonks said picking up a piece of seaweed and noticing that Gen was dripping wet.

"That doesn't surprise me," Gen muttered. "I opened my closet and a tidal wave attacked me."

A high pitched screech emitted from a nearby bedroom. "SPIDER!" Guess who?

"Where?" Sirius cried as he dove under his bed.

"Oh for crying out loud..." Hermione muttered.

Ah yes... It was going to be very interesting around 12 Grimmauld Place for the next few days... very interesting indeed...

-tbc-


	18. Chapter 18

A.N. Hi all! I'm back (sort of). HAPPY BELATED B-DAY WEREWOLF MAGE! -glomp- (sorry, it's a bit late...)And... no to all y'all, I will NOT be updating SIB at this time. Anyone who can think of a good name for this brain dead chapter... I commend you.

Chapter I Forgot What Number I'm On

(In which the author has an argument with Harry Potter)

Yuri: -looks around puzzledly-

Harry: I don't think 'puzzledly' is a word..

Yuri: -shocked- It isn't? I wouldn't know. I'm too busy too look it up.

Harry: Servant! Look up 'puzzledly'!

Draco: M-W Dictionary online says "word does not exist".

Harry: and that is that.

Yuri: Make it a word!

Harry: Erm… okay?

Yuri: Puzzledly. Noun. In a puzzled or otherwise confused manner. Example: She was very puzzledly.

Draco: -jots it down- -hacks m-w online and creates a new entry-

Yuri: YAY

Draco: YAY

Harry: I don't think 'puzzledly' is a noun…

Yuri: No?

Harry: No.

Yuri: It don't matter. Spelling don't count.

Harry: Doesn't.

Yuri: Glad you agree with me.

Harry: …spelling isn't the issue. Your grammar sucks.

Yuri: It do?

Harry: Case in point…

Yuri: I'm a point like a point on a needle or a point on a -needlessly censored-?

Harry: Number two.

Yuri: Yay! I'm #2! Wait…

Draco: -dies from hysterical laughter-

Yuri: Can I be #1 instead? Or #3 perhaps?

Harry: Nope, taken.

Yuri: 4?

Harry: Nuh-uh.

Yuri: 5,786?

Harry: Sorry, the username you have selected is already in use. Please try again.

Yuri: -dies- xx

Harry: Yuri? -pokes with stick- Yuri? Hey author lady…

Ginny: -walks out, shoots Harry (who dies), then stabs herself- A…. Shakespeare……. ending… -dies-


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

This is going to be an odd chapter, so just stick with me, ok?

So, I was lying in bed tonight thinking 'I need to write another chapter for s&r, because I haven't written one for a while' which is totally true. But I'm thinking (and writing) this at 11:17 and 52 sec…53…54…never mind. So… I'm thinking 'Random…random… AH-HA!'

Harry and Ron were sitting at the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall at about 11:10 am. A little late for breakfast, but hey, it's Saturday. They had just decided what to eat when…

Severs Snape burst into the Hall, arms in the air (basket of flowers in one hand, bunch of bananas in the other) screaming, "She's gonna EAT ME!"

Ron and Harry looked at each other, then back at Severus, who had begun doing the Macarena on the empty Hufflepuff table.

Just as they had returned their attention to their food instead of their suddenly mentally challenged professor, someone else burst in. Or something rather. It was a large blob of creamed corn. It slithered to Severus (stopping once to bark at Harry and Ron), then Severus and the blob disappeared.

"Well," said Ron, digging into his pancakes with a spoon. "That was random."

"Yeah," agreed Harry, who was skewering his Fruit Loops with chopsticks. "It was, wasn't it?"

Ah HA! I've still got it! What it is, I'm not quite sure. Temporary insanity perhaps? See folks, this is what happens when you wake up after 2 hours of sleep to write a chapter at 11:24 and 7 sec… 8 sec.. 9 sec… goodnight... 14…15…

You can disreguard this chapter and write it off as a bad day for the author if you wish... I certainly wouldn't blame you, heck, I'd likely JOIN you.


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